This week we will be screening Spellbound at 9:00PM. It's Sarah's pick. There will be mojitos and a live spelling bee at 8:30PM. Come, fun!
Monday, July 28, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Dan's Dad Sends Another Bug
A life was lost this week at the Dude Ranch. Let us mourn.
With much fanfare, he sliced open the packing tape. The box contained one dead beetle. In our fear, we had waited too long.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
Freedom Moon Tribe Headlined Movie Night
All you suckers who skipped Movie Night this week missed out BIG TIME. This week was our first to feature an opening musical act. Experimental space rock band Freedom Moon Tribe filled the backyard with three Casiotones + wore make up from Mars + strummed a warbley song from a saw with the aid of a violin bow. It was a unique and humbling experience.
Before the show, the band outlined the directions for how to play their 15-minute long song on a convenient cardboard box (read left ---> right). You can trying playing it yourself at home, but it won't be the same.
Before the show, the band outlined the directions for how to play their 15-minute long song on a convenient cardboard box (read left ---> right). You can trying playing it yourself at home, but it won't be the same.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Dude Ranch Summer Movie Night: Week Two
Come join us. This week we will be screening The Spirit of the Beehive at sunset (9:02 PM). There will also be a special pre-movie performance by the casiotone inspired band Freedom Moon Tribe!
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Friday, July 4, 2008
The Dude Ranch Goes to a Pro-America Rodeo
Today is the 4th of July - America's Independence Day. Since moving here from Iowa a month ago, I've been getting pretty caught up in the Portland lifestyle recently, discussing police brutality and gender by day, drinking wine on my roof by night. I was missing the Midwest a smidge, so I asked one of my co-workers, "I want to spend the 4th of July with people who LOVE AMERICA. Where can I find such people?" The only British guy in the office knew just where to go. "Saint Paul Oregon Annual Rodeo," he said, with finality. Away we went this morning.
Saint Paul is 40 miles or so south of Portland. Its population is only 300, but for one weekend of the year, it becomes a patriotic promised land where you can eat a log of curly fries larger than your head in the shade of a cheap carnival ferris wheel.
The stands are rife with large animals and the folks who ride them. Big bulls, big belt buckles. Copenhagen Smokeless Tobacco and the U.S. Army both had tents right next to a cotton candy stand and the bull pen.
One of the carnival's featured artists was a man who carves bears, salmon, horses and eagles with a chainsaw. I asked him which fearsome creature was the hottest seller. "Everyone wants bears. It can even be an ugly bear. Anything resembling a bear will sell."
Next we snuck into the rodeo by using an ingenious ketchup/mustard mix to mimic the re-entry hand stamp.
And the rodeo began with flag-waving fanfare! Oregon's small army of Rodeo Princesses led a procession of horses around the rodeo grounds. Some carried American flags, others flags emblazoned with the logos of sponsors. The crowd was having a good time, cheering and clapping the rhinestoned women on. Finally, the national anthem and a welcoming announcement from the loudspeakers including the warning: "If we forget that we are one nation under God, then we will be one nation gone under."
One thing I didn't know about rodeos: they're scary. And violent. Out of its holding cage bucked a horse, kicking its legs front and back as the cowboy's head flew forward backward forward backward, smacking against the horse's body until he finally tumbled off. I was terrified. What a Portland liver-bellied city slicker I am. Even the Rodeo Princesses seemed calm and collected during the wildest of rides.
We couldn't handle it for long. After about an hour of intense ride watching, we retired to the Saint Paul Rodeo Bar - the Tack Room. Above my head was a bison head and an American flag reminding me, "Rodeo: America's Number 1 Sport."
Saint Paul is 40 miles or so south of Portland. Its population is only 300, but for one weekend of the year, it becomes a patriotic promised land where you can eat a log of curly fries larger than your head in the shade of a cheap carnival ferris wheel.
The stands are rife with large animals and the folks who ride them. Big bulls, big belt buckles. Copenhagen Smokeless Tobacco and the U.S. Army both had tents right next to a cotton candy stand and the bull pen.
One of the carnival's featured artists was a man who carves bears, salmon, horses and eagles with a chainsaw. I asked him which fearsome creature was the hottest seller. "Everyone wants bears. It can even be an ugly bear. Anything resembling a bear will sell."
Next we snuck into the rodeo by using an ingenious ketchup/mustard mix to mimic the re-entry hand stamp.
And the rodeo began with flag-waving fanfare! Oregon's small army of Rodeo Princesses led a procession of horses around the rodeo grounds. Some carried American flags, others flags emblazoned with the logos of sponsors. The crowd was having a good time, cheering and clapping the rhinestoned women on. Finally, the national anthem and a welcoming announcement from the loudspeakers including the warning: "If we forget that we are one nation under God, then we will be one nation gone under."
One thing I didn't know about rodeos: they're scary. And violent. Out of its holding cage bucked a horse, kicking its legs front and back as the cowboy's head flew forward backward forward backward, smacking against the horse's body until he finally tumbled off. I was terrified. What a Portland liver-bellied city slicker I am. Even the Rodeo Princesses seemed calm and collected during the wildest of rides.
We couldn't handle it for long. After about an hour of intense ride watching, we retired to the Saint Paul Rodeo Bar - the Tack Room. Above my head was a bison head and an American flag reminding me, "Rodeo: America's Number 1 Sport."
Monday, June 30, 2008
The Dude Ranch Summer Movie Night
Place: Our backyard, 5200 NE 35th Ave. (map)
Time: Wednesday, July 2nd @ sunset (9:03 PM)
This wednesday will be the inaugural Dude Ranch Summer Movie Night. The Movie Night is where we pick a film that we want to share with a bunch of people and then watch it in our backyard, eat pie, and drink beer. So come out, bring your own blanket or lawn seat. This weeks film is Dan's pick, The Mosquito Coast (See trailer here).
posted by d.cook
Cross-State Insect Shipment Arrives/Escapes
Dan received a box in the mail this weekend. The return address was Idaho - his father. When I came home Saturday afternoon, the box was sitting on the kitchen counter and Dan was sitting on the kitchen sofa, avoiding opening the box.
"Come on! Openitopenit!" I whined, shaking the box. I never get boxes in the mail. Dan sighed.
"It's going to be full of poisonous bugs. My dad always sends me poisonous bugs in the mail," he said, morose. But he took the bread knife I handed him and slowly, carefully cut open the packaging tape.
Inside was a live monster cricket. The sides of the box were splattered with cricket shit and the cardboard reeked a little. "It's a Jerusalem cricket," Dan said, shaking his head and taking the critter outside, "My dad sent me a Jerusalem cricket." Dan then shared with us a few facts about the Jerusalem cricket:
+ they're apparently very hardy, having survived shaky, foodless 3-4 days in the hands of the U.S. postal service.
+ they populate Idaho en masse during the summer
+ they're cannibals, eating almost exclusively each other
This beast is now roaming Portland's NE streets! It disappeared from human view soon after we opened the box.
posted by s.mirk
"Come on! Openitopenit!" I whined, shaking the box. I never get boxes in the mail. Dan sighed.
"It's going to be full of poisonous bugs. My dad always sends me poisonous bugs in the mail," he said, morose. But he took the bread knife I handed him and slowly, carefully cut open the packaging tape.
Inside was a live monster cricket. The sides of the box were splattered with cricket shit and the cardboard reeked a little. "It's a Jerusalem cricket," Dan said, shaking his head and taking the critter outside, "My dad sent me a Jerusalem cricket." Dan then shared with us a few facts about the Jerusalem cricket:
+ they're apparently very hardy, having survived shaky, foodless 3-4 days in the hands of the U.S. postal service.
+ they populate Idaho en masse during the summer
+ they're cannibals, eating almost exclusively each other
This beast is now roaming Portland's NE streets! It disappeared from human view soon after we opened the box.
posted by s.mirk
Saturday, June 21, 2008
a love poem
Dan wrote a poem this morning. I thought I'd do him a favor and post it.
Love is like a rock thrown through a fog
weightless and dangerous
love climbs trees
too weak for its weight
love is all things
except here.
This made us so sad that we had to go out to lunch and make bow ties out of dollar bills.
yah!!! By the end of the weekend, everything was coming up roses.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
not serious trouble, but something worth noting.
someone slipped me (Nate) the password to the blog-site (I'm pretty sure thats a word that makes sense). Anyway, it seems kinda dangerous. just cuz, i don't know... now i have a supposed audience, and when i start thinking that people are into what im saying, i'll start saying a lot more, and thats how you lose friends.
also, Dan tried to be cool and do hacker shit with his computer that was just way over his head and he melted half the hard drive and now he is sitting on the couch sighing heavily to try and get my attention so he can complain about it more, but there is no way i am giving him that satisfaction.
word.
LASER FACE BLOG HAWK! (major-CAW!)
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Bonecrusher
The Dude Ranch has experienced some high and low times this week.
High Times: We were all standing around in the kitchen one night eating beet soup when a car pulled up into the driveway. Who should pile out but housemate-for-life Nate, returning unannounced from his Grand Tour of America. We made him camp out in the back yard because every couch was full of vegans and both the basement and his former room are occupied. Poor kid can never go home again.
Also this same week, the sun came out and we chased an ice cream truck down the street. I bought a creamsicle and they showed us how to work the ice cream music machine, which can play a mix of hits most notably including the Tetris song! I didn't think ice cream could get better, but it just did.
Low Times: David Cook and I were riding over the Burnside Bridge to Soul Night when he braked too hard and immediately flipped over the handlebars, right onto the asphalt as a wave of cars approached. Like a mustached tiger, he kung-fu rolled across the road, grabbed his bicycle and within a second was safely on the curb. What saved his life didn't save his bones, though.
Cole and Kevin waited with David in the emergency room for FOUR UNGODLY HOURS before he could get x-rays and a cast on his broken arm. Then they had to go to work and David had to spend a long day contemplating all the things he will be unable to do for six weeks or so. Weeding, bike riding, doing the dishes: all impossible tasks. We're looking for cripple tasks he can accomplish so he helped us make dinner by sadly crushing tortilla chips
with one hand.
"This is pathetic," he said. Then we all had a good laugh.
posted by s.mirk
High Times: We were all standing around in the kitchen one night eating beet soup when a car pulled up into the driveway. Who should pile out but housemate-for-life Nate, returning unannounced from his Grand Tour of America. We made him camp out in the back yard because every couch was full of vegans and both the basement and his former room are occupied. Poor kid can never go home again.
Also this same week, the sun came out and we chased an ice cream truck down the street. I bought a creamsicle and they showed us how to work the ice cream music machine, which can play a mix of hits most notably including the Tetris song! I didn't think ice cream could get better, but it just did.
Low Times: David Cook and I were riding over the Burnside Bridge to Soul Night when he braked too hard and immediately flipped over the handlebars, right onto the asphalt as a wave of cars approached. Like a mustached tiger, he kung-fu rolled across the road, grabbed his bicycle and within a second was safely on the curb. What saved his life didn't save his bones, though.
Cole and Kevin waited with David in the emergency room for FOUR UNGODLY HOURS before he could get x-rays and a cast on his broken arm. Then they had to go to work and David had to spend a long day contemplating all the things he will be unable to do for six weeks or so. Weeding, bike riding, doing the dishes: all impossible tasks. We're looking for cripple tasks he can accomplish so he helped us make dinner by sadly crushing tortilla chips
with one hand.
"This is pathetic," he said. Then we all had a good laugh.
posted by s.mirk
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Job Hunting
Since 80% of the Dude Ranch is currently unemployed or hates their jobs, Cole's been holding Open Resume Workshops and giving some inspirational pep talks nightly from the kitchen sofa corner.
"Repeat after me!" he shouts, jovially, "YOU ARE A MONEY MAGNET!"
His most life-changing advice is "BE AGGRESSIVE! YOU ARE THE MOST QUALIFIED CANDIDATE FOR THAT JOB! what do you say? YOU ARE A MONEY MAGNET!"
David Cook and I both revised our resumes under his stern over-the-shoulder direction, so now we're pumped full of Arial Narrow right-centered resumes and ready to apply for some gainful barista and yard work employment opportunities.
"I'm a wildcat!"
"Repeat after me!" he shouts, jovially, "YOU ARE A MONEY MAGNET!"
His most life-changing advice is "BE AGGRESSIVE! YOU ARE THE MOST QUALIFIED CANDIDATE FOR THAT JOB! what do you say? YOU ARE A MONEY MAGNET!"
David Cook and I both revised our resumes under his stern over-the-shoulder direction, so now we're pumped full of Arial Narrow right-centered resumes and ready to apply for some gainful barista and yard work employment opportunities.
"I'm a wildcat!"posted by sarah
Sunday, June 8, 2008
chess masters
The sun was shining today so Cole and Dan sat on the back lawn playing chess and looking smart.
Dan won. He described his winning strategy as: "I moved my pieces really fast and sometimes I take two moves at the same time. Especially with the pawns. I incorporate things like enpassett and I move the queen like a horse."
posted by: s.mirk
Dan won. He described his winning strategy as: "I moved my pieces really fast and sometimes I take two moves at the same time. Especially with the pawns. I incorporate things like enpassett and I move the queen like a horse."
posted by: s.mirk
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
